March 20, 2008

Those dress codes aren't just corporate policy...

No, I am actually not referring to the office. After a long, intense bout of cardio today at my upscale gym of choice, I had to write this post when I got home (after showering, of course). Inappropriate clothing can be ugly, visually annoying, distracting, even downright offensive. But it's rare that a bad outfit can be dangerous.

While on the cross ramp tonight, adjacent to the treadmills, I witnessed what could have been a serious injury, all due to a terrible choice in athletic wear, or lack thereof. A woman and her friend lumbered along on their zero-incline, 2.5mph workouts, wearing the least gym-appropriate wear I've seen in a long time. From bottom to top: Sketchers fashion skeaners, stretchy cargo capris (I never thought those existed either), cropped velour hoodies, iPod in cargo pocket with headphone wire stretched up to their ears, from which dangled heavy, gold-plated, "monogrammed" ghetto-girl earrings like those seen on Eve above. I won't even drone on about the acrylic nails and black lip liner.

Somehow, in a swift reach intended to grab the Vitamin Water out of the cupholder, girlfriend got her hand, watch and nails tangled in her headphone wire, and when the 'phones flew out of her ears, one got stuck on her earring, causing her to holler, drop the water which splashed everywhere, and tumble off the treadmill, landing in a lump of over-dramatic whimpering and clutching of the ear.

Funny? Hell yes. Educational? Unfortunately, not for her. Once she realized she wasn't bleeding, nor had she broken an ankle, she dabbed herself off, put in the headphone and continued on her "workout."

Now, I give chica credit for getting back on the horse, so to speak. But the treadmill wasn't the problem. Had she actually donned athletic clothing to do exercise-like activities, and lost the super-size jewelry, this mortifying event would never have happened. And she would have looked and moved a lot better had she tried some of the active wear below.

Rather than these, which are not made for more than walking the mall...
... get a pair of bona fide athletic sneakers, tailored to your workout, like the Nike Shoxx.

Stretched out, faded polos aren't comfortable, and frankly, just look weird.

Grab a bunch of t-shirts with your college logo, or for current students, a concert or date party tee works fine. Dark colors hide sweat better, and don't get the yellow armpit stains.

Underneath said college tee should not be an ill-fitting, pink laced, sale-rack push-up bra.

... but rather a sturdy, clean sports bra to keep the girls in place.
And while the girls in B'port might think they fly, embellished cargo capris do not make for easy movement on the elliptical.

Grab a few pairs of yoga pants for flexibility and coverage.

And lastly, if you're going to use any sort of accessory, drop the door-knocker earrings...

... and slip on one of these headbands over your ponytail to avoid flyaways.
Bottom line: no street clothes to the gym please.

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