June 17, 2009

What, pray tell good sir, is that?

It rather seems like I've been asking many questions lately, and tonight I am going to ask another.

At the gym (always a good source for blog fodder), I had done my 20min treadmill warm-up and headed to the elliptical for a nice, high-resistance 30min session. I spotted a free machine in front of the TBS channel, and jumped at it. Seconds later, I'm spinning the dial on my iPod and glance to the right, where I see a guy with Brandon Boyd's body and Chris O'Donnell's face working out next to me.

Yeah. Jackpot.

He catches my glance and we flash friendly smiles before moving on to our business. For a few minutes I'm in rhythm, getting in the zone, when I notice out of the corner of my eye, Chris Boyd's head moving in a peculiar, inconsistent manner. I subtlely glance over and down, and am perturbed by what I see.

Now, as an aside, I couldn't find a picture of what this guy was doing anywhere on the interwebs, and if Google can't find it, it has to be weird.

Mr. Boyd had one ankle crossed over the other, while he basically rode the elliptical on one pedal, keeping the arms going, but basically having both feet on the right pedal. This technique caused this beautiful man both to move in a jerky, less-than-smooth manner on the machine, as well as to look dainty and, of course, unattractive.

Ladies, this was the elliptical equivalent of riding sidesaddle.

I almost went cross-eyed straining to look at this guy while keeping my head facing forward. He would do this for about a minute, then go back to normalcy. But about every five minutes, he'd be sidesaddle again, rotating sides but still looking like a douche.

Now, I'm no personal trainer, I am not Jillian Michaels, and I pronounced it "pie-lates" before I knew better. I'm no exercise expert. So if you are, or if you do this thing yourself, please tell me.

What is that?

If you're tired, slow down or take a pause for water. If you have a cramp, pause and stretch. But for the love of all that is holy, please avoid this effeminate and awkward technique, especially if you are sinewy of figure and have dimples to kill. Chris Boyd could have asked me to go to Peter Luger's right then and there, and... well, I'd still consider it but I wouldn't be as ecstatic as normal. I'd be panicked trying to figure out a roundabout way to ask him WTF was up with that move.

Any thoughts?


Lauren said...

I have no idea why he was doing that, but I'm cracking up trying to picture it in my head!!

Brittany said...

I've done that in the weight room at school with my friends when we're goofing off...there's no physical benefit of it as far as I know, it's just easier and maybe a little bit more fun...