Release of Cerebral Clutter

• When I'm typing into a search engine, I go as fast as I can before the suggestion box pops up. I guess if I can type in "James Morrison" before Google helps me along with suggesting it, it makes me smarter than a computer. And an independent woman.
  
  
• I always get a huge pang of guilt when I'm in a hurry, and I move to sidestep a slow elderly person on the sidewalk, then make eye contact with them, and remember that they were once young and spritely. That's when I remember my manners, smile, and give my sweetest "Pardon me, ma'am." If I get a hint of a smile, that's encouragement enough for me to shove past and be on my way..
  
  
• Although I'm still a die-hard "What Not to Wear" fan, I am convinced that TLC's latest MO has been to expose the people existing in the world that we all wish we could forget. Jon and Kate are a hot mess who have probably scarred their kids for life; the Duggars just plain creep me out; the girls on "Say Yes to the Dress" are usually the most self-absorbed princesses I've ever seen; shows like "Tree Man" and "Mermaid Girl" turn these poor victims of disease and genetics into a glorified freak show; and now "My Monkey Baby"??? Seriously?
  
  
• I shifted the majority of my sweaters into my closet today after a trip to my parents' house to swap season bags, and now with the same number of hangers on the rod, my closet is bursting at the seams. I have to lean on the clothes bear-hug style, then roll my hips around while sliding the door shut, just to make sure it doesn't fly off the track.
  
  
• Everyone seems to be raving about the Keurig single cup coffee brewer, and I enjoy it at work when I can pick a flavor and I'm filling my travel mug while running around the office. But I would never get one for my home. There's something fast-foody and inorganic about it... if I were serving people coffee after dinner, I'd much prefer to pour from a pot that took 10 minutes to brew than to serve people one at a time, inquiring about flavor choices like a barista. Is that weird?
  
  
• I didn't put in my window air-conditioning unit until after the 4th this summer, and probably used it less than 10 times. Now it's October and it's still in the window, and I know what's going to happen - I'm going to wait until frigid air starts leaking in the window, and I'm going to get frostbite and blow all the heat out the window taking that damn thing out.
  
  
• After many attempts, I've realized that my shoulders are too broad and my booty too small for me to successfully wear a sweater dress. No matter which one I tried, I ended up looking like a gladiator with less seductive curves.
  
  
• I wanted to bake some pumpkin muffins to take up to Westport with me today, and I returned from the store armed to go... until I realized that I bought canned pumpkin pie filling, not pure canned pumpkin. I figured if I skipped the sugar in the recipe, it should all even out. Well... I ended up with 24 round pumpkin bricks in little orange liners. Note to bakers of the world: pie filling does NOT rise.
  
  
• I woke up this morning with my head resting on the crack between two pillows, my arms splayed out over both pillows, each foot practically hanging off the mattress and the comforter wedged in all around me. Heaven help my future husband, because clearly I do not enjoy sharing bed space.