Gym Faux Pas

Anyone who visits (and actually exercises at) a gym at least twice a week will inevitably develop a routine. For me, the routine is as follows: check in, locker room for stretching, water and the loo (because as soon as you jump on the elliptical, the urge to go sneaks up on you), then 20-45min cardio on 2-3 machines, 20 minutes of weights working various body parts, then more stretching in the locker room and a water bottle fillup before I head home.

On top of developing a routine, one also develops some pet peeves as a result of the behavior of some of the clientele. Some of my complaints are justifiable for health reasons, and others simply vex me. But my gym would undoubtedly be a much happier place if I didn't face one or more of the following faux pas every time I walked in the door.

1. Working out in non-athletic gear. Cargo shorts? Polo shirts? Slip-on Pumas? Button-downs?? Denim cutoffs?? Ghetto hoops??? Swimming trunks??????? Yes, I have honestly seen all of those, and I'm not sure how these people are even allowed on the floor like that. If you could spring for the gym membership, drop by Old Navy or Marshall's and get some cotton shorts, t-shirts and sweatpants, immediately. You are not impressing anyone with your Lacoste polo, and those earrings are about to get snagged by an errant finger or free weight. Plus, are you even comfortable?
2. Not wiping down equipment after you use it. H1N1 or not, touching equipment glistening with someone else's sweat is just plain revolting. I know you're a big tough guy training for a triathlon with Lance and Phelpsie, and you can't let your heart rate drop one beat for even a second, but do us all a favor - jog your pretty little self over to the paper towels and spray, and clean up the mess you made. Your athletic prowess isn't contagious, but your carelessness is airborne.
3. Talking on the phone while working out. First off, if you can have a controlled conversation for more than 30 seconds, you're not working hard enough. Second, I'm not going to risk hearing loss to drown out your conversation about the dog's diabetes. Third... READ THE EFFING SIGN!
4. Weight machine ADD. 20 reps before moving on? Fine. A few sets of 10 with a breather in between? Great. But 5 here, 5 on the next, back to the first, 5 on yet another... Not only is this unsanitary (you can bet these guys aren't wiping down), but it bogarts machines, and it's really obnoxious when your homeboys follow you around egging you on like Nick Cannon wannabes.
5. Utter lack of apparent work. If you're a senior citizen, recovering from a knee injury or are very overweight, I'm totally understanding of a slow pace and modified work. To each his own! But if the gym is packed, with people waiting for treadmills, and you're going 1.8mph on a 0 incline for 2 hours because you want to read this month's Cosmo, and you're in decent health, you're just being selfish. Some people actually want to burn off last night's wine!
6. Water cooler behavior. This is not the break room, nor your Monday night Gossip Girl club. If you want to chat, please find a better place than the paper towels/spray shelf, the exit of the locker room, the water fountain or the only walkspace between the ellipticals and treadmills. The gym is crowded enough.

And my #1 gym faux pas....
CHILDREN AT THE GYM.
There is no Romper Room. There is no baby yoga. There isn't even a giant empty mat which would welcome children doing jumping jacks or playing on it. So why are you here?

Well, your parents brought you because they didn't want to pay for the babysitter, or they think their little 10-year old needs to shed a few pounds. But you are too short and small for these machines, and you are very likely to get hurt. You are not supposed to assume the "spread eagle" while standing on the elliptical pedals. The last thing I need after 45 minutes on the cross ramp and grueling arm toning exercises is to worry about tripping over your little boy on my way to the locker room. Leave the kids at home, or find a child-friendly Y that will accommodate all of you. Now GTFO.

I think it's time to find a new gym!
Hayley

PS: Thanks to everyone who's been reading and commenting on my romantic escapades. When I have more juice I'll give you the update, but in the meantime I appreciate all the luv ;-)

Nina Garcia's The 100

Miz Garcia's book has been on shelves for some time now, and I haven't bought it because I prefer lists in digital, free form, rather than paying $25 for a book that has much of the information I can read in a magazine instead, for less. For the unaware, Nina Garcia is the fashion editor at the fabulous Marie Claire, and she has published a few books about style and fashion. The One Hundred: A Guide to the Pieces Every Stylish Woman Must Own is, in her opinion, a compilation of necessary items. Supposedly, the inclusion of all of these will make for a complete, versatile, stylish closet.

For the record, I don't think all of these items are necessities, nor do I think that they will all fit into everyone's personal style. However, I thought it would be interesting to post the list, and figure out how many I already have. The ones I don't, I'll decide if they are necessary, would be nice to have, or are items I will never own.

Nina Garcia's The 100:

1. A-line Dress. I have three, for different seasons. Definitely essential.
   
2. Animal Print. Leopard round-toe pumps, but that's it. Can look trashy.
   
3. Ankle Bootie. Too trendy and unflattering on legs.
   
4. Aviators. YES. I've gone through many pairs of this wise-ass item.
   
5. Ballet flat. Brown, black, yellow, red, tweed... yes.
   
6. Bangles. A few enamel ones, but haven't worn them lately.
   
7. Belts. Two for dresses and tops. Hardly ever worn on pants.
   
8. Bikini. Yes, but won't be wearing them again until I lose my winter 5lbs.
   
9. Blackberry. Technology is not style. Ask the French.
   
10. Black Opaque Tights. Yes - flattering and chic!
    
11. Blazer. Several. No shoulder pads.
    
12. Boyfriend Cardigan. Yes, a white toggle L.L. Bean cardigan.
    
13. Brooch. Yes, but I haven't worn them for a few years.
    
14. Cable-Knit Sweater. Too too many!!
    
15. Caftan. No. part of me wonders if only J.Lo can pull these off.
    
16. Camel Coat. No, because it doesn't suit my coloring, but looks great on others.
    
17. Cape. Seriously Nina?
    
18. Cashmere Sweater. Can't get enough.
    
19. Charm Bracelet. Pretty, but I don't have one because they annoy me.
    
20. Clutch. Crucial for cocktail wear.
    
21. Cocktail Ring. LOVE!
    
22. Converse. Not since 9th grade. Can be cute on guys.
    
23. Cosmetics Bag. I go through about 4 a year.
    
24. Cowboy Boots. Don't have, but have considered buying. Probably won't.
    
25. Cuff. Elegant and tough, love them.
    
26. Denim Jacket. Nothing goes better with a sundress.
    
27. Diamond Studs. They're a yes, but not in my jewelry box just yet.
    
28. Driving Shoe. I'm counting my Sperry mocs for this one.
    
29. Espadrilles. Don't really care for them. Prefer a wedge.
    
30. Evening Gown. Yes, for the day when a man takes me to the opera.
    
31. Exotic Skin Bag. Beyond leather, not important to me.
    
32. Fishnets. I would wear beige ones in a vintagey way...
    
33. Frye Harness Boot. Yes! Love my Frye boots!
    
34. Fur. No.
    
35. Gentleman's Hat. I don't look good in hats, so no.
    
36. Gloves. Leather, cashmere-lined.
    
37. Havaianas. Vineyard Vines flops are my favorite.
    
38. Hobo Bag. My Sequoia bag from Au Printemps is my favorite ever.
    
39. Hoop Earrings. Yes - silver, small, medium and large.
    
40. Investment Bag. Young, single professional women have other investments to make.
    
41. iPod. Otherwise I wouldn't work out.
    
42. Jeans. In as many styles and colors as you can afford.
    
43. Jewelry Pouches. I use my felt-lined jewelry box instead.
    
44. Khakis. A casual classic.
    
45. Knee Boots. Knee boots and a wool skirt are what one wears in the winter. Period.
    
46. Leather Pants. I'm not Axl Rose, so, no.
    
47. Lingerie. But of course ;-)
    
48. Little Black Dress. Who doesn't?
    
49. Little White Dress. Also key.
    
50. L.L. Bean Tote. Monogrammed, with long handles.
    
51. Luggage. Black and on wheels, in varying sizes.
    
52. Mad Money. Oh come on.
    
53. Men's White Shirt. A classic Oxford is something everyone should own.
    
54. Mary Janes. Not for everyone, but I have a pair.
    
55. Minnetonka Moccasin. My Sperry ones are just fine, thank you.
    
56. Missoni Knit. Never been a fan of Missoni.
    
57. Monogrammed Stationery. Have had it in the past, but not at the moment.
    
58. Motorcycle jacket. Too tough-chick for me.
    
59. Nail Polish. OPI.
    
60. Old Concert T-Shirt. Too tough-chick for me.
    
61. One-Piece Swimsuit. Yes - black can look so chic!
    
62. Pajamas. Tanks and lounge pants.
63. Peacoat. Yep.
    
64. Pearl Necklace. What Connecticut girl doesn't have one?
    
65. Pencil Skirt. Yes, especially in tweed.
    
66. Perfume. Miss Dior Cherie - amour.
    
67. Plain White Tee. They got their hanes on me.
    
68. Polo Shirt. I'm from Connecticut. I probably have 50.
    
69. Pucci. One scarf.
    
70. Pushup Bra. Don't need it with my girls.
    
71. Quality Champagne. Just drank the Moet last weekend!
    
72. Red Lipstick. Yes, but I save it for really glam looks.
    
73. Robe. One flannel, one satin. I'm such a fox ;-)
    
74. Safari Jacket. Yup, I love a good military look.
    
75. Sandals. So many! Heels and flats and colors!
    
76. Sarong. Anyone who's gone to the Caribbean should have one.
    
77. Signet Ring. My college ring.
    
78. Silk Scarf. Several, from Paris.
    
79. Slippers. Yes, but they're not sexy.
    
80. Spanx. Yes, bought them for a wedding last year. Haven't used them again, yet.
    
81. Statement Necklace. Several. My favorite is a big tortoiseshell pendant.
    
82. Stilettos. And how.
    
83. Striped Sailor Shirt. No, because horizontal stripes aren't flattering on anyone.
    
84. Suit. Ah, the interview suit.
    
85. Sunhat. No, but I probably should get one.
86. Trench. Yes!
    
87. Turquoise and Coral Jewelry. Yes, brings out the hippie in me.
    
88. Tuxedo Jacket. Never found a good time to wear it, except New Year's Even.
    
89. Umbrella. Clear, with a wooden handle.
    
90. Underwear. Some practical, some pretty. Know your audience (or lack thereof).
    
91. Valid Passport. Stamped in several places.
    
92. Vans. See #22.
    
93. Vintage. Not so much, except for jewelry and bags. I guess that counts.
    
94. Watch. Silver Seiko with a white face.
    
95. Wayfarers. Not good on my face shape.
    
96. Wellington Boot. Yes, in hunter green. So English.
    
97. Wide-leg Trousers. Yes, in twill, khaki, tweed, wool...
    
98. Wrap Dress. I have 6!
    
99. Yoga Gear. Not everyone does yoga. Cute gym clothes count.
    
100. Zippered Hoodie. Lucky Brand Jeans, circa 1998.

My score: 72 out of 100.

Some of the items on this list are clearly not essential. Some don't even go in the closet. I think if you're scoring a 50 on this list, you're doing just fine. How many do you have?

Hanging up the Cs for good.

I haven't found many remarkable new fashions or accessories to note here lately, and that gave me a thought.

In my shopping days of the past two years or so, my tastes have definitely changed. While in college and high school, and my early twenties, I loved a good logo-emblazoned Coach bag. I got a little kick from watching the logo pattern fly as I threw the bags onto my shoulder, and felt more stepped-up when I carried them. Even when the purses were on the arms of every prepubescent and living-beyond-their-means Bridgeport beauties, I guess the power of association with expense still made me feel a little special for having one. For a couple of years, very few non-Coach purses interested me.

Another point: Tiffany & Co. Their jewelry is exquisite, their china superb, and I will always have at least two Tiffany-style glass lamps in my dwelling. But after tallying four Tiffany necklaces, one bracelet and a pair of earrings between 2001-2004 (excluding the Return to Tiffany heart pendant on the long ball-chain - that I received for my Sweet 16 and I have had it for just about 10 years!), I have perused tiffany.com a few times over the last year, eager to find a substantial piece of jewelry, and have left the website disappointed. Honestly, how many permutations of circles, squares, locks, Roman numerals, dog tag-style pendants and balls can you work into a piece of silver before they all start to look the same? And with prices for a simple silver necklace rising almost $100 in the past five years, how do you justify it?

My label-whore days are definitely behind me. I've suspected this for a while, and I will still pay more money for great construction and quality. But I haven't seen a single item on the websites of luxury I once loved in a loooong time that I felt more than lukewarm about. Why go for a $250 1" square silver pendant on a chain, with a single T engraved on it, when I can get a unique sterling pendant at an antique store for $50, which no one else has? Why drop $398 for a leather purse emblazoned with Cs and hideous patchwork when you can grab a slouchy, classic leather two-tone hobo in Paris for EU160, which no one else has, and which is made of the most supple leather you've ever felt? Sure, the plane ticket cost $600, but the point is this: I'd much rather be complimented on personal style than on burning my plastic to carry the latest flash-in-the-pan Vuitton bag.

So below is a list of low-key items in my dresser and closet that I love, and which I feel exemplify my personal style better than any label could.

• Chinatown turquoise cocktail ring ($18 haggled down from $28). I adore turquoise in the summer, and the heaviness and size of this ring makes me want to move my fingers just to watch it. It's like the hippie-esque Lucky Brand rings you can buy at Macy's for $48. Just much better, and cheaper.
  
• Black/white and red/white houndstooth plaid summer scarves from Paris (2 for EU10). Not just because I bought them in Paris, and I was disappointed to find them in the States when I returned. But these scarves have a smooth, lightweight texture and are the perfect size and shape to be knotted in different ways. It sounds corny, but wearing them reminds me of wandering St. Germain and shopping for purses in Au Printemps.
  
• L.L. Bean Black Wool Polo Coat (approx. $200 (gift)). The long, lean shape of a polo coat is flattering on everyone, and the higher collar was a warm change from my peacoat of college. Plus, everything from Bean lasts forever. You get what you pay for there, except their $29 sweaters which are still glorious.
  
• Multicolored glass bead necklaces from a head shop in Key West ($6 each). My newest addition, these necklaces are bright, textured, and look like they could come from Spain or Mexico. They have a slight hippie vibe, but work with a blazer or a sweater, too.
  
• L.L. Bean Galway Jacket in Camel ($99). Flattering cut, high stance, three buttons, indestructible wool and a classic cut that goes with dresses, jeans and trousers.
  
• Paris purse (see above).
  
• Murano glass necklaces (approx. EU12 each (gifts)). One squarish and in green, the other blue/white marbled oval beads. They are both stunning with any neutral top or dress, were inexpensive souvenirs from family members, and for all my jewelry-hunting, I've never found anything like them at any price.
  
• Chinatown gold-tone aviators ($10). I love the sarcastic, yet chic look of aviators. When you buy them in gold-tone in the right size and shape for your face, they look lightweight, laid-back and polished. These particular glasses have survived two drunken bachelorette parties and a couple of summer barbeques. They even flew off a boat, and I managed to catch them. They must be magic.

What are your favorite low-key items?

Cheers,

Hayley

Outrageous Party Dresses I Would Wear to a Wedding If I Didn't Have to Think Of the Bride!

Ah, weddings.

They are a double-edged sword. In the right company, they are amazing. Expensive, day-long festivities with food and alcohol in abundance, celebrating the union of two people you love and who have a fabulous connection. You dance, you toast, you do the Hip Hop Slide after too many martinis, and you might even meet a cute groomsman to make out with in the coat check.

But then there are the bad weddings, usually of near-stranger coworkers or family members who employ a lackluster guest list. The most interesting part of this day is being a Catty Cathy with a friend, critiquing the bride's choices of wedding design and bemoaning the lack of attractive, young people. Or worse, the couple cheaped out and you're paying for your own cocktails.

But if you were born under a good sign, you will attend more grand weddings in your life than terrible ones, and in both cases, you need to be appropriately dressed. Wedding attire nowadays runs the gamut. Have you seen any episodes of Bridezillas? Some of the gowns I see on that show are abominations to the institution of marriage, and don't get me started on the bridal party.

But those of us with a social conscience, especially when attending the wedding of a loved family member or friend, want to be dressed properly. Since Emily Post's First Edition, there have been a few small changes in acceptable wedding attire. However, the general rules of wedding attire for female guests goes like this:
- nothing black - it means disapproval of the union
- no white - for obvious reasons
- nothing too short, too low-cut, too bright, too red, too sexy
- nothing that will take attention away from the beautiful, blushing bride.

Well.

Seeing as we're attending what is basically a glorified party with church and pricier gifts, I still get the tiniest bit miffed when picking a dress to wear for a wedding, and forcing myself to buy the more demure, sophisticated frocks when what I really want to do is don a short, low-cut, fashion-forward, sex-on-a-stick party dress, meet a gorgeous stranger and dance with him in a champagne-hazed buzz all evening.

But of course... that wouldn't be appropriate.

Any of it.

And so, tonight I am presenting a collection of fun, stylish party dresses that I would definitely wear to a wedding... if not for the risk of pissing off the bride, or worse, her mother. And just for fun, I'm pretending I have 2% body fat and no budget. These dresses may be considered acceptable by some for a wedding, but let's face it: if you were lucky enough to not be a bridesmaid, the least you can do is let the bride take all the thunder on her Big Day.

So here you are ladies, a fantastic voyage of dresses that may make it to a fancy New Years or gala at the Met, but unfortunately, won't be (and shouldn't be) making it to your cousin's wedding this fall.

IRO, $56.10



Jessica McClintock, $132



Jessica McClintock, $132



Veritas et Pulchra, $148



Sean Collection, $226



Nicole Miller, $240



BCBG Max Azria, $240



Lauren Moffatt, $249.20



Veritas et Pulchra, $260



Alice & Olivia, $385



BCBG, $398



Vera Wang, $1,280



Dolce & Gabbana, $1,295



Marchesa, $2,790



Valentino, $6,550

When even Teen Vogue girls don't know...

I caught an episode of The Hills yesterday... OK, I lie. I am excited about my trip to Europe, so I went to MTV's website and watched the episode when Whitney and Lauren go to Paris. Just to see shots of the city and pretty dresses.

But the disturbing part of the episode is when Lauren and Whitney are in their town car, and perusing a list of designers. Whitney comes across a name she pronounced "Give-Enchie?" And the driver corrects her - Givenchy.

When you work at Teen Vogue and you can't even pronounce a designer's name, albeit a hard one, you've got some homework to do. I made a face like LC's above when this went down.

This moment in reality TV echoes back to an episode of ANTM, in which the girls are put on the spot to read designers' names off a teleprompter, and all of them fall flat on their faces, even my precious Naima.

Oh no you di-int!

So here is a list of designers whose names are hard to pronounce, but necessary in order to not be made a fool of in Paris, Saks or Bryant Park. Or if you just want to sound like an elitist amongst your friends.

Givenchy: ZHEE-von-SHEE

Yves Saint Laurent: Eve Sahn Lo-RAHN

Balenciaga: Buh-LEN-see-YA-ga

Christian Lacroix: Christian la-Kwah

Christian Louboutin: Christian Loo-boo-tan

Hérmes: air-Mez

Jean Paul Gaultier: Zhahn-pole GO-tee-ay

Hervé Léger: Air-VAY Lay-JAY

Monique Lhuillier: Monique loo-lee-ay

Rodarte: ro-daredt

Thierry Mugler: tee-airy moo-glay

Nicolas Ghesquière: NEE-ko-la guess-Kee-AIR

Lanvin: lon-VAN

Cheers,
Hayley

Um, can you repeat the question?

Flipping through the latest Glamour last night, I came across their list of the 50 Most Glamorous Women of the Year. Many choices, I agreed with: Kate Hudson, Posh, Annette Bening, Carla Bruni, Diane von Furstenburg. But then at #43 came along this thing:

Agyness Deyn. Her name has been everywhere for the last year, and I won't take the time now to vent about how much the spelling of her first name makes me want to say "Aggie-ness," and how annoying that sounds, and how much I hate reading her name for that reason. Anyway, Simon Doonan (creative director at Barney's, I believe, but I'm too lazy to look it up. But I do know he's my favorite voice of reason on fashion police-type countdown shows) said she has "the best personal style of anyone."

Now, I suppose she can't always look like a drunk contortionist, if she's become such a big model. But below is the one picture I could find in which she looks pretty. Sure, she usually looks edgy, or avant-garde, or something, but where is the line drawn between creative and crazy?

I just don't get it.

2008 Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Gala

Ahh, good to be back. As cliche as this is, my absence from my beloved blog has been due to huge work loads the last few weeks. But one of my favorite red carpet events just swept by, and I was both disgusted and amazed by some of the gowns worn.

Posh: Too much alien-goes-to-bed, not enough British pop girl.
Becks: Delicious. As usual.
Marc Anthony: Looking less skeletal than usual.
Jenny: The best of the group. Great color for her skin, great jewelry and adornment, and good shape. Bravo!


Christina Ricci: Adorable! So Wonderwoman-on-Valentine's-Day, but in a chic way. And only a petite brunette like her could pull this off, with almost no jewelry and a risky color combination not toned down with neutrals.


Emmy Rossum: My favorite of the night. The seaming and toile-esque material are gorgeously French, and the mermaid shape is beautiful on her. Adding classic diamonds and a black clutch, and rosy cheeks, she hit this one out of the ball park.


ScarJo: Your debut album has enough press. Don't feel obligated to dress like this to get more.


Miz Dita von Teese, on the arm of Christian Louboutin: Parfait. And again, only she could pull off those feathers and the dress length.


Mischa Barton: Continuing to cover up her phenomenal figure as much as possible, behind too much fabric and ostentatious sleeves. Gorgeous neckline, but it ends there. And I won't even touch Miss Missoni.


Hayden Christiansen: Not the best possible color for you considering your blond hair, but a classy and simple choice.
Rachel Bilson: You are capable of so much more! Don't hide your adorable figure and gorgeous face under obtrusive clothing and hair!


Jennifer Connelly: Except for the wing-tip-y shoes, fire your stylist.


Hilary Duff: Beautiful embellishment in a non-cliche way. Sweet.
Fergie: ...sigh...


Eva Longoria: My second favorite dress of the evening, for its haute quality and bold statement. You can't see the bottom, but it does extend to the floor in a huge skirt crescendo, and although I'm sure she had trouble getting into the limo, she looks fabulous.


Rihanna: I know you're young and fabulous, but those quasi-gloves only distract from your dazzling dress and killer shoulders. Chuck 'em.


Michelle Trachtenberg: Cheap Cleopatra costume much?


Ivanka Trump: Amazing! Gorgeous colors, sleek hair... except..... well, it's hard to say (damn lack of hi-res), but... are those.... gemstones? On your forehead???


Eva Mendes: Not only do I hate the gown and the shoes, but this woman always seems to look dirty to me. Can't put my finger on why, but I don't see "movie star" here.


Camilla Belle: (left) This is what haute couture should look like. I don't know who you are, but you are stunning.
(right): Who cares?


Cameron Diaz: Hair: blah. Dress: Eh. Jewelry: Blech.
Jennifer Garner: Red is this girl's color, and the perfectly toned arms don't hurt.


Finally, George, Julia and Giorgio. This is Hollywood.

Cheers,
Hayley